8 weeks

Well now that I'm pretty much 9 weeks pregnant, week 8 has had me sick, sick, and stillll sick. :( I hate the feeling and wish for it to end. I barely eat anything, and its not healthy.

I'm hoping tomorrow has me feeling 100 times better or im gonna cry, and keep crying haha. We are also supposed to be going to Arizona tomorrow until monday night. I cannot image going if im still feeling the way I do, and have been. Im not even excited to go because im so afraid im not going to be feeling better. All i have been able to do is lay on the couch alll dayyy long for almost a week. Please pray that things look up tomorrow!!!

When we get back, I have my first doctor(midwife) appointment!!! IM realllyyyy hoping for an ultrasound. Hopefully my due date will still be the same, if its not i hope its sooner rather than later.

Our house is such a pigstye I hate to even be home :( I dont think our house has ever been this messy before. A friend of mine is coming over to clean tonight thank god!!!!

my car has passed away

So yestarday Buddy and I did some minor running around. We noticed this really weird sound coming from the front of my car and it ended up getting worse by the time we were finished. It would make the noise when I started my car up, and then when I would push on the accelerator. I had buddys dad listen, my grandpa, my step-dad, and finally my uncle. My uncle thought possibly the water pump or the motor(which he was leaning more towards). We dropped it off at a local car dealership/repair place last night so they could run a a diagnostic on it this morning.....What did they find....blown motor. 4500 installed haha. YEAH RIGHT. I could only get MAYBEEEEE 2000 outta my car haha. Needless to say, shes a goner :( I have been planning on getting a new car in a few months, but not right now. Im not in any financial state to be getting a new car right now, but in a few months I will be making double what im making now((pending that I pass boards and find an RN job)). Soooo yeah im stuck driving buddys 1989 car haha. I hate that im married but feel like im not because buddy and I do not "share" anything really. He insists that we have seperate accounts. He didnt even want to file our taxes together lol. So in a time like this when Im in need of a new car, do you think he'd help me out for a few months until my income doubles? Nope..he tells me "I have 2 vehicles that you can drive until you can fully afford a new car". This is true. Its just soo frusterating. Granted he helps me out a ton, since I've been living for free since the beginning. But sometimes I just feel like we arent even married. Ugh.


Pregnancy news..nothing really. I've been feeling FANTASTIC since saturday early afternoon and I love it!!! Im sure it wont continue like this though. Im thinking Im just going to have good days and bad days until hopefully the end of my first trimester, which at that point I'll have all good days (nausea wise anyhow).

The dog has reached 7 months...equal to terrible twos. He no longer will let me sleep in. He wakes up about 6-8 in the morning to go out than he wont let me put him back in his cage. he'll lay in bed with me for 1-2 hours but after that he just wants to wander around. Since I have to work tonight, I had to have my grandpa come get him so that I could sleep today lol. Oh yeah, Riley also slept with me all night last night. First time I've let him do this and I was super nervous. I just feel like I cant trust him enough to let him be "free" for that long haha.

by the way. Im looking at explorers, grand cherokees, or trail blazers for a "new" car. I desperately will need something with 4 wheel drive for the winters because this past winter found me stranded in my own driveway haha. Cant happen when I HAVE to show up at work lol. Why did I go into healthcare again? haha.

off to shower and get myself ready for work.

so today I'm 7 weeks along and feeling better. ever since Tuesday late afternoon I've turned a small corner and I've been able to function! Thats key since I had an orientation for work yestarday and actual work today. I was getting reall nervous. Im still nausous from time to time, but I'm eating. Such good news. Last night pizza sounded so good that I had 3 pieces..only to kick myself in the butt later on because it made for a rough night of trying to sleep. I still cant wait to feel 100% better...oh hopefully the time will come soon :)

Next week is not only valentines day, but my birthday. Anddd I have to spend it alone and pregnant :( Buddy has to ONCE AGAIN go out of town starting sunday night and not sure how long he will be gone-minimum 6 days, maximum until about the 18th. Please pray that baby and I remain healthy, and safe of course.

We didnt get to spend either of those together last year, either. I was in Guatemala. Part of life I guess. Boo.

I ccant quite possible do this any longer. I'm simply miserable.

I dont want to be pregnant anymore-bad, I know but thats how I feel right now. Ive been naeusous since Friday night, constant. It wakes me up in the middle of the night, keeps me awake, has me shaking in fear of throwing up. I just cant do it. I've not been able to eat because the motion of putting anything in my mouth-even my prenatals, has my stomach turning even more.

Another thing that worries me about it is my job-at the hospitals. I'm new and trying to work my ass off so that when it comes time to apply for an RN job(in like a month), people will see that I'm a hard worker. But feeling like this I cant do it...i can hardly walk around. All i want to do is cry because I feel soo sick.

I've tried eating something so my stomach doesnt get empty but I cant. Buddy bought me these accupressure bracelts for nausea and so far, no luck. I just dont kinow what to do.

I almost wanna go the hospital so they can give me medicine to take away the naesea.

I also am scared to death that I'm gonna hate the rest of my pregnancy and hate being a mom. I dont know why. I've waitted to so long to finally be pregnant because it means I'll be a mom and have my OWn baby :) But lately, im so scared im not gonna like it.

I dont know what to do..