whats happening?..personal

Im diagnosing myself with Post Tramatic Stress Disorder stemming from our break-in in Aug or Sept last year(cant remember).

It all started last night. I was at home getting ready to go to bed and I started feeling like something was telling me not to go to sleep whatsoever. I felt like my heart was racing, and like I was short of breath. I was scared out of my mind all I could do was cry uncontrollably in fear of what may happen if I went to sleep. I ended up staying at my grandparents and was able to relax somehow and fell asleep. All was good when I woke up.

Now Im feeling anxious again. Not like I'm not supposed to sleep, just real anxious and panicky. I picked up to go into work 11-7 tonight so I was sleeping for a few hours. I woke up and just felt like weird. Im kinda afraid to go home and shower and crap. I dont know if its a mixture of my hormones going whack and buddy not being home, or if its the start of something somewhat serious. And mind you, Im already on medication for anxiety(that has been under control since starting meds like 5 y ears ago).

I definately don't want this to continue because I feel like Im back in high school and having panick attacks! If you've never had one, they are SUPER SCARY. I dont know how long to let this keep happening before I call my doc. I dont want to call tomorrow and than be fine but I dont want to keep going through this, if it keeps happening.

All I can do is cry because I dont know what is happening to me.

another day

Well, Buddy is gone AGAIN. I think this is the 3rd time hes been gone since I last posted, being home a total of about 5 days. He will be gone 2-3 weeks this time. We both struggled with the fact he would be leaving, but in times like we are dealing with, work is a must and we must do what we have to. That being said, I returned to work last night at the hospital. Started out well, and then was down hill on and off from than on. I actually ended up throwing up a few hours before the end of the shift. But somehow, I survived and Im super proud of myself even though I was almost in tears many times because of not feeling good.

Had a regular monthly checkup today. Im down 7 pounds from last month, and 12 pounds total. Ekk. Heard babys heartbeat-high 150, low 160. Everything was good.

I will be 14 weeks on thursday and I'm super excited :) I just hope every new week that arrives, will bring me a little bit more relief and eventually I'll be back to "normal."

I'm still not showing at all, but at times I do have a little pudge(i just think its fat though haha because its not there all the time). I do think its a little tiny start though!!

We get the ultrasound order on april 28th, so after that we can find out what were having, depending on when we schedule the ultrasound :) I cant wait!!!

Happy 24th birthday to buddy today, he at least got to hear the babys heartbeat because I recorded it on my phone and sent it to him.



And p.s....rachel-where are you????????

work

So yestarday since i had been feeling decent I figured I would go into work today. Today came-bright and early at like 530 for some reason and going into work was NOT going to happen. My stomach has been soo upset and it hasnt settled down yet :(

I'm soo over this nonsense and wish for it to be completely over NOWWWWW.

alone

Buddys gone for the week :(

This weekend was a very good one. Saturday we went to eat at Pizza Hut and than bowling a few hours later..I bowled 3 games and never felt sick. Yestarday was very productive. I got quite a few loads of laundry done and did some much needed cleaning in our room...it feels so much better in there now!! I'm really hoping that means things are starting to ease up on me! Im ready to ENJOY being pregnant ha.

baby at 11 weeks

picture 1 is baby with its legs crossed at the ankles. picture 2 is babys arms up. 3 is babys feet in the air. and 4th is body shot :)

heart rate was 173. everything looked good i guess.

Get to see baby again

So tomorrow I go for my 1st trimester screening which means...I get to see baby AGAIN!!!!! I cant wait just to see how much he/she has changed and grown in just a little under 2 weeks. I better get more pictures :) Today I am 11 weeks..whoa. c'mon 2 weeks..hurry and get here. I desperately need to get out of this 1st trimester rut!!!


I have been taken off the schedule at work until the end of the month. Im really hoping I have a good day before than and can call and go in for some hours though. We'll see....Its a blessing that this has happened because I think it will take a lot of stress off of me. Now I just have to make sure I work the last few days of the month so I can get my required hours in.

I've never been so tired/lazy/sick all at once in my life. Its got to get better!!! :)

we got to see the baby

Soo I'm going to post the ultrasound pictures :) but I guess I'll update a little bit first....

Arizona was AMAZING. Its way better than florida, hands down. I felt good most of the time, with mornings being the only time I really didnt feel well. Thank god for that. It was way too short of a visit there, especially since we had to come back to below freezing temps. Ugh.

The day after we got back, I had my first Dr. appt. It was about 1 hr and 15 minutes, mainly just history session. They drew a few tubes of blood, and attempted to hear the heartbeat via a doppler. Well after about 5 minutes and no luck, I was given an order for an ultrasound. Ultrasound was perfect. We saw the heart beating before we heard it, but it was beating away in the 170s. We also saw the little bean moving around which was amazing :) It was overall a very good experience, thankfully. According to dates I was 9 weeks and 5 days but the baby was measuring 9 weeks and 2 days. I dont believe they will be changing my date, so as of right now I still stand at September 25th. I was given the opportunity to decide if we wanted to do the first and second trimester screens and buddy wanted me to do so I said yes. Well, I'm not sure if I am gonna go through with it or not, its going to depend on if insurance will cover it or not. If they do than I should be getting another ultrasound as part of the first trimester screen sometime between 11 and 13 weeks depending on when I make the appointment. If the tests come back and say the baby may have something wrong with it, its not going to change anything so some people would say just dont even do it. We'll see. My next appointment is March 23-day before buddy's birthday.

How have I been feeling??well last thursday was real bad, probably the worst thus far. I was actually dry heaving quite a bit, which I havent been doing. I ended up having to call off work because I was up literally ALL night wednesday bc of not feeling good and then waking up after sleeping for 5 minutes only to find myself trying to sleep in the bathroom. Hopefully I can return to work this week and be good because I cannot afford to lose my job with everything else thats going on right now.

I still havent gotten a new car, still looking. Im going to get a ford escape I do know that.

Well thats about all I have....RIP Mike Kayden :(:( Heres some pictures :)----well the pictures wouldnt post after all of this and I gave up trying to mess with it :( I wanted to save them but o well